


Rock-A-Bye Baby

by Indecisivety



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Don’t worry it gets fluffy!, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, M/M, Mentions of Emotional Abuse, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, self deprication
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24941101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indecisivety/pseuds/Indecisivety
Summary: You’re stuck in a loop. A loop of self loathing and hatred. No one seems to take notice of your despair, or just plainly ignores it. Until one day, you ran into Simeon. By chance, or by fate. Could he be the one to change your outlook on life?
Relationships: Main Character/Simeon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Simeon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader
Comments: 11
Kudos: 133





	1. Self Loathing

You were livid. Standing alone in in your room, gazing out the window. Looking for something,  someone, to serve as a distraction from your own dismay. 

Silently pacing, you pause to take in the the confusing array of feelings and emotion swarming through your head. Fear, love, anger, embarrassment, and adornment.All so unfamiliar and alien to the person you were before. 

Not even the 7 lords of chaos could distract you from the heat in your cheeks, and the pounding of your heart. 

_ What was wrong with you _

Suddenly, it all clicks.  Simeon.  An angel of heaven, but the angel of chaos rattling through your head. You let out a frustrated sigh and threw yourself onto your bed.

_ This can’t be happening _

Burying your face in the plush cow pillow you stole from Belphie, (granted, without his knowledge) you let out an angry huff. Out of all people this could happen to, it just had to be you. “Me, myself, and I”, you thought aloud. 

Throughout your childhood until now, you’d craved love. An everlasting affection and adornment. Yet, no one was quite right. The harder you searched, the less hopeful you became. 

There didn’t seem to be anyone out there that could give you what you craved, what you needed. 

As a child your parents neglected your feelings. Slowly you started distancing yourself from them, becoming unfamiliar to another’s touch and kind words. Until  _him._

—Last Monday—

Another Monday in the Devildom. Per usual, you were worn to the bone dealing with your homework and the brotherly chaos ensured to you everyday. 

You slowly rose from your bed, sluggish and grumpy. “Shit” you thought. You were late for breakfast. With the speed of a drugged snail, you sprinted to breakfast only to see the last of the brothers finishing up.

Unfortunately, and to be expected, Beel had already vored any portion left for grabs. Looking at you apologetically Beel shrugged. Shaking your head and ruffling his own, you took off starving and tired to your first class. 

Class was, to put it kindly, rough. The lower demons plucked your insecurities, pointing out every weakness you had. Like feathers on a sick hen. How could you forget, you’re human. A lowly, powerless human; a pitiful sight to the lords and ladies of the devildom.

None the less, you toughed out your first class. You weren’t about to pull a Belphie and later get scolded by a scolding hot Lucifer. Not a chance. 

As soon as class was over, you rushed into the halls at the first chime of the bell.  Finally , you thought to yourself. Tears threatening to well up in your eyes, and your posture slumped. How shitty must you look right now? 

Such an easy thing to notice, yet, not one had ever taken the time to console you and say,

“You’re going to be ok”.

Cursing yourself, you pick up the pace, as several demons push past you in an effort to ruffle your already shaken state. “Assholes”, you muttered under your breath. 

With a shuddering breath and grit of your teeth, you had finally made it to the library. A sanctuary of knowledge and absolutely no one and nothingness. Perfect for a nobody like you. 

You set down your things and slid yourself into a cozy hideaway behind a bookshelf; making sure no one could see you. 

At this point, going to class was an impossible nightmare that may end in an even worse outcome. Squeezing your eyes shut, you picture the face Lucifer is going to make when he hears about your little meltdown.

_ Great. Just what you needed. _

You began to tear up. Hot tears spilling silently from your eyes. All you could feel was a pure emptiness and a fiery anger. Furiously, you clawed at your eyes. Red streaks dawned on your face, and deep bags under your eyes began to grow puffy.

You loved the brothers. They were your true family while you parents didn’t seem to care. Each and every one of them holds a special place in your heart.

_ But _

They were just so, horribly, oblivious. Didn’t they know humans are fragile? Stupid, ugly, powerless creatures. Creatures that, when not doted on or cared for, become corrupt and malicious. 

Though, right now you weren’t feeling malicious. Quite the latter. 

_ lonely, sad, empty _

With a shaky hand you cover your mouth in an effort to silence the chattering of your teeth, and the hitching of your voice.

_ Breathe in. 1, 2, 3. Out. 1, 2, 3. _

Slowly you begin to come to your senses. Now dull and emotionless you sit. Eyes stinging and heart stinging even fiercer. You sit there, staring. Staring at nothingness, at what you see as yourself and what’s to come.

You start to curl in on yourself. Two shaking hands clawing at your hair, trying to find some kind of grounding, any kind of grounding. All you feel is your body, your pain, and aching memories. A hollow shell of who you were this morning, a mess. 

Suddenly, you hear a noise. 

_ Shit!  _

You compose yourself as fast as humanely possibly. Wiping your eyes and fixing your hair. Your little fix up was of no avail. But no one seemed to notice even when you didn’t try, so what could be the difference this time? 

You smoothly wedge yourself out of the corner. Scooting in further would just make you look a fool.

_ Well, more than you already were. _

Stupid, ugly hu- “hello”? You hear a call from across the library. Usually vacant and clear of disturbance, this call of a voice was something new. Very new. 

Meekly, you shrink back. Trying to still yourself behind a bookshelf. Unnoticeable, untouchable. 

_ I am the shelf, I am the shelf _

But great, just to your luck; they notice you at a standstill. 

“Simeon?”

You freeze up in shock. What the hell would he be doing here, alone? Shouldn’t he be in class...how peculiar. Looks like the angels getting a little devilish. You laugh to yourself, a pitiful sound coming from your hoarse voice.

“Ah, Mc! What might you be doing here?”

If there’s anyone who’d be able to see through you, it’s that damn angel. That gorgeous saint of all people, has the be one to take notice. Then again, that’s fool talk.

_ No one cares about you _

“Oh...I’m just...I’m here to read up on devildom history! I’m a bit stumped!”

You mentally face palm. How stupid, skipping class for devildom history? He’s smarter than that. 

Simeon pauses. His eyes looking you up and down, scanning your ever move. Boring into your skin, a blue wave of emotion flickering through his eyes. 

His breathe hitches. You’re just about to comment when he grabs your hands. His long, slender fingers wrapping around your own. 

_ Soft _

“S-simeon?”

You stand there dumbfounded as he begins to rub your palm. God, you’re so fucking embarrassing. Shaking and broken, while an angel is holding your hand. You don’t deserve this. 

You look down to avoid his gaze. His thumb rubbing small circles around your hand, softly pressing against your own. Is this some kind of prank, a cruel joke?

Before you know it, the waterworks are already flowing. Tears stream down your face even harder than before. Flooding your thoughts and mind. 

Simeon gives you a small smile. It doesn’t reach his eyes, but such a sad smile you can’t help but find beautiful. 

“Mc?”

He squeezes your hand in affirmation. You take a shaky breath and smile. It doesn’t reach you eyes, but it’s the best thing you can muster, a valiant effort.

“Yes?”

“Come with me, little star. Lets talk”


	2. The Truth is Suffocating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mc confesses their problems to Simeon, as hard as they may be to tell. How will he react?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW//discussion of depression, cursing
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Place your predictions as to what’s going to happen next chapter!

Simeon gently tugged at your hand. Yet, you stood there unmoving. 

_ Little star _

No one had ever given you such a nickname. Nicknames had only ever been used to put you down, look down upon you. Terms of endearment were so, so—odd. 

_ Unfamiliar  _

Why would he call you that? What does he mean by it?

_ Why does he think you deserve it _

You feel another tug, snapping you back into reality. Simeon’s gazing at you with worried eyes. Eyes that look at you sincerely, thoughtfully. 

_ What he hell... _

“Little one, are you coming?”

“Y-yeah” you stumble over your words. Too drained to reply to his new little nicknames for you. 

Like a zombie, you mindlessly follow Simeon. Daydreaming about all your regrets and negative feelings. God, you’re so full of yourself. It’s disgusting.

_ You’re disgusting  _

After you’re pulled for what seems like hours, Simeon finally comes to a stop. Where were you?

You scanned your surrounding, confused as to where you could have gone in such a short amount of time (despite how long it felt to you).

The area you seemed to be in looked like it was...right behind RAD? Odd. You’d never seen this area before.

It was lush with greenery and trees, quite rare considering you were in, well, hell.

Ironically, it feels quite like a mini garden of Eden. One large tree perched in the middle of the area, surrounded by a forest of trees and hushed whispers. 

Wait, were you getting kidnapped? No, Simeon’s an angel, he wouldn’t; would he? 

Simeon chuckled at the look on your face, and replied knowingly “no, I’m not stealing you away. This is my little sanctuary.” 

Simeon patted at the spot next to him, where he was leaning against a large tree. “You really should join me, Mc”

“Why?”

“Why join me, well-“ you sighed angrily, and took another deep breath. “Why show me this, I don’t deserve anything, not your kindness. No, not even your attention.”

You took another shuddering breath. Great, you were crying again. 

You hate looking vulnerable, seeming vulnerable, _BEING_ vulnerable. And it just had to be in front of the angel. You silently curse yourself under your breath. 

“Oh, Mc.”

Simeon pushes himself off the tree and strides towards you, taking your hand into his own. 

“I don’t need your sympathy, I don’t deserve your sympath-“

_ huh? _

Simeon grabs your face. He tenderly holds it in his hands. His eyes sparkle, so many emotions swarming at once. Pain, remorse, forgiveness,

_ love? _

You mentally slap yourself for ever coming to such a conclusion. He’s an angel, of course he consoling you. He has to...it’s his duty.

_Right?_

You can’t breathe. Every inch your faces grow closer, the tighter your chest seems to grow. Simeon begins rubbing your pink and puffy face. Clearing it of hot tears and other debris.

The forest sings around you. Everything appears to be at a standstill. It’s just you, Simeon, and the elephant in the room. 

Then he speaks 

“I’m here to listen, it’s ok to not be ok. Class can be made up, your feelings can’t.”

That was it for you. If you thought you were crying before, a waterfall just turned into a broken dam. 

You fell onto your knees. Eyes stinging from endless nights of sobbing yourself to sleep. Knees stinging from the rocks below you.

All the medicine, the therapy, the friendly “there there’s”, it never did anything. Something broken can never truly be fixed, no matter how firmly you glue, the state is forever altered.

_ You can’t be fixed _

Simeon kneels down along with you, tilting your chin up.

“It’s ok”

He gently, almost cautiously, pulls you into a hug, softly setting you on his lap.

_ Oh _

You shudder at the contact of his embrace. You don’t deserve it, this isn’t meant for you, it’s meant for someone else. Yet, you can’t help but melt into his arms. 

_ It almost feels heavenly  _

You two sit like that for a while. Afraid of disturbing the newfound peace between the both of you. Your legs lace around his back, squeezing him tight, afraid to let go.

Simeon takes a slow breath. “Are you ready to talk now, love?” 

You bury your face into the nape of his neck, hot and embarrassed. Whispering a meek “yes”. If you hadn’t been so close to him, you doubted he could’ve heard. 

And at this point, you’re so flustered, you wish he hadn’t. 

But you can’t help but feel comfortable. Arguably, safe. Grounded. The fuzz in your head is just a little less crowded. And for that, you’re thankful.

Shifting your weight, you try to get comfortable. You were going to be there a while. He chuckles at your endeavor, causing you to almost blow a fuse.

Simeon begins rubbing figure eights on your back reassuringly. You open your mouth, trying to speak. To say anything, everything. Nothing would come out, until it all spilled at once.

“To start, I hate myself. I’m a burden and a bitch. All I do is whine and cause problems for others. I’m a lowly human. Humans are awful creatures, and I’m among the worst.”

Simeon begins rocking you reassuringly. Hugging you firmly and petting your hair, signaling for you to go on.

You grip his shirt, afraid he’ll bury you for showing the worst of yourself. Nonetheless, you continue. 

_ You trust him _

“All of the brothers say such degrading things, they mean no harm. Nor did my parents. Yet, it still hurts. It hurts so fucking bad, Simeon. I can’t take it.”

Your grip on Simeon’s shirt begins to sting. The more you reveal, the less you can breathe. 

_ The truth is suffocating _

“I don’t deserve anything, I’m a no one.”

Simeon’s grip on you begins to tighten. You can’t see his face, but you can feel him shaking. From what? Anger? Laughter? Sadness? You don’t know, but you’re afraid. Was this all a mistake?

Suddenly you feel yourself being swept off your feet. Simeon cradles you in his arms, gently, tenderly. Pulling you close to his chest. 

“Simeon, I’m sorry, I take back everything I said-“

“Stop”

You freeze in his arms. Looking up to see tears spilling from his eyes.

_ What’s going on _

He hugs you tighter to his chest, almost possessively. He looks so hurt, pained.

_ You messed up  _

His eyes tell an entire story. Simeon’s hair sticks to his cheeks, wet from the tears he’s shedding. His face holding a light shade of pink from what seems like anger. 

“Mc, please. If you EVER call yourself worthless again, I don’t think I’ll be able to let you go.”

Confused, you take his hand. Pondering as to what he just said. He couldn’t mean it, could he? You don’t know. You never know anything.

“Simeon...”

He begins walking. To where? You don’t know. But at this point you feel too drowsy to ask. 

Snuggling into his chest, you fall into a deep sleep. A slumber in which you’re soon awoken from. Alone. In your own bed. 

Why do you cheeks feel so hot? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)


	3. All Stars Burn Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the time you dread had come. And it couldn’t had come any sooner, or gone any worse.
> 
> Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // Suicidal ideation (minor), depression, panic attacks

Here you were. Back at the start of the loop, dazed and tired. Eyes red and bruised from scrubbing and sobbing.

You were so tired. Yet, the fuzz in your brain felt...different. Still apparent and buzzing in the back of your mind, but a new sensation had taken a seat at the front of your head.

_ What was it? _

_ What have you gotten yourself into? _

Your cheeks heat up, not from anger or sadness, but from embarrassment. Not a new feeling for you, but this time it’s for all the wrong reasons. What reasons were those exactly? 

_ Like hell did you know _

And no time soon were you going to find out, thanks to the 7 goofs of hell. 

You hear a knock at your door. Snapping out of your daze you quickly rush to open it up. 

Mammon looked up at you concerned, angry. 

_ One more disappointed person to add to your list _

“Hey Mammon...what’s up?” You try to keep the obvious tremble in your voice as tame as possible. Despite being asleep for a considerate amount of time, the tremor in your voice and heart was still shaking you to the core.

You’ve disappointed him. You failed again. You skipped school because of an illness that you can’t take away, or alter. 

“Just feel better”, “Just be happy”, as if it were that simple. If you were physically ill, you’d be treated differently. You wouldn’t be scolded or yelled at for things you wanted to control.

_ Can’t control  _

All the scorning faces, angry speech, tired voices. 

_ All because of you  _

You hear Mammon’s voice calling out to you. “Oi, Mc!”, you mentally slap yourself for dissociating at such a time. “Oh, sorry. Zoned out for a second.” 

Mammon looked at you, pouting. “Where the hell have ya been? Lucifer’s about to gnaw off your ear! Stupid human.”

_ Stupid human, indeed. Pitiful.  _

You shift, turning your feet inwards. Taking note of the look on Mammon’s face, the sound of his voice, the anger. Nothing new, but still...so—so painful. To witness, to take in.

_ To endure  _

You swallow, taking a deep breath. Trying to compose yourself as best as possible, you let out a shuddering breathe. “Sorry, I came down with a cold. I went back here after first period.” 

“You humans are so fragile”, Mammon huffed. Taking your hand he slowly pulled you out the door. You’re suddenly taken aback to earlier today.

The memory of Simeon taking your hand and rubbing it, so tenderly, so soft, surfaced in your head. 

Everything he did was in such a tender manor. His gentle cooing, light rubbing, soft words. 

_ Fragile _

Yes...you were fragile. You could never forget, the demon lords would never let you. Everything humans are...YOU are...is weak. Nothing in comparison to them.

_ But with Simeon, being fragile didn’t seem so burdensome.  _

He was delicate, frail. A shining star among a sea of dull grey. Everything about him was ethereal.

_ Beautiful _

Lost in thought, Mammon leads you to the dinner table. You catch yourself, nearly tripping over the extravagant carpet lining the floors. Looking around, you realize it was nearly dark outside. 

_ When did it get so late? _

Sitting down, you put on your best mask as possible. Shoving your hands in your lap, pinching yourself, in an effort to calm yourself down. Composed, refined, happy. 

You feel a heavy lot of eyes focused on you. Looking down at your lap, you continue to pinch yourself. 

_ Calm down, you’re ok _

“Mc” Lucifer called from the other end of the table.

_ Ah _

The moment you had been dreading, playing in your head all day. He looked at you on a throne of pride, looked down on you. He was so much bigger than you, stronger than you. 

_ Frightening  _

Among hearing Lucifer call, you flinch. Trying to pinch yourself even harden than before, to distract yourself from the fear and embarrassment. 

“Yes, Lucifer?” you stuttered out. Causing even more eyes to land on you.

_ Curse you and your stupid jitters  _

“Mind explaining why you were gone from school today?” he glares daggers at you. Every second you feel yourself becoming smaller and smaller. 

The brothers look at you with anticipation. Wondering why you were gone as well. There wouldn’t be a reason as to why you skipped school, right?

_ Right... _

“Caught a cold is all! I-I’ll be better by tomorrow!”

Lucifer didn’t take his eyes off you for a second. They bore holes into your own. Ah, he didn’t believe you.

_ Figures _

“Really, Lucifer. Just a common cold! I’ll get all my makeup work tomorrow.”

He finally looked away, and sighed. “Fine, go get some rest.” 

It wasn’t as malicious as you expected. But it hurt worse than you could’ve imagined...

_ Who were you kidding, you knew this would happen _

His words were laced with disappointment. A tiredness with every word he spoke. You were about to break. You needed to get out of there, or the demons were going to see a more demonic side of yourself.

You quickly excused yourself. Ashamed and petrified while leaping from the seat. You could hear the brothers calling your name; pleading for you to wait. 

Tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill at any moment. As you raced through the corridor, you ran into each and every wall. Not even giving a thought to pain and the bruising you’ve inflicted upon yourself.

_ You deserved it _

Where were you going? You don’t know. You just want out.

Bruised and numb you run out of the house of lamentations. God you were so nauseous, sitting at that table made you feel sick. You thought you were a friend of anxiety before coming here, boy you were wrong. 

Running aimlessly through the devildom, you seek shelter. You had to hide, to breathe, to calm down. 

Your feet take you to a place you’d been at mere hours ago. You look up in confusion as to why you were here. Yet again, lush trees and a quiet refuge surrounds you. 

Thoughts of Simeon fill your head as you quiver in exhaustion and adrenaline. 

Taking a deep breath, you slump onto the tree Simeon had held you next to. 

_ Why were you like this _

Couldn’t you just, get better. There has to be a way. You’re so goddamn selfish. Running away from the dinner table? How pathetic. 

You dig your nails into the dirt in an effort to ground yourself. But the anger and embarrassment got to you. Pounding your hands onto the tree, bleeding and cut, youbegin to sob. 

Sob about not being able to do anything, not being able to understand your feelings, sobbing about how worthless you were. 

_ Sobbing about the question “why” _

A question you’ll never have answered. Because the world is just so cruel, as if it’d bestow a blessing upon you. You’re already cursed as it is, and nothing can counteract a curse. 

Not friends, not family.. _.not even love_

“Love” you thought to yourself. You’d always wanted to be in love. To have someone to lean on, talk to. Someone to be there for you without question. 

_ Someone who wants you, unconditionally _

You sigh and curl into a ball. Your eyes hot and puffy, wet with tears. Your head pounding to the beat of your heartbeat, running a marathon against your temple.

No longer being able to take the sting in your eyes and the pang in your heart, you gently shut your eyes, falling into a deep sleep.

_ Maybe it would be better if you didn’t wake up at all _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for the short chapter, but it felt right to end it here. Comments appreciated❤️

**Author's Note:**

> This is chapter one! I don’t quite know where I want to go with this yet, but input would be incredible in the comments. Thanks for reading <3


End file.
